It’s my first installment of “Get Your Shit Together/ I Wouldn’t Have Told That” and what better way to break it in then an actual story about someone who couldn’t keep their shit…together. To say the least. Happy New Year everyone!
Al Roker is fucking disgusting. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ROKER! Last night, I’m sitting no the couch, stoned and pleasantly watching the end of a football game when my Aunt, bless her heart, storms into the living room shouting about “class and ignorance”. Which, to me, is a perfect segway into something salacious that I presume she has just witnessed on tv (she loves keeping up with celebs and salacious and celebs go hand in hand most of the time). “Al Roker”, she screams, “is just plain ol’ ignorant.” My aunt rarely uses curse words (i.e. BOLD WORDS) which I find hilarious because when she’s really upset (like she is now over AL Roker) she uses phrases like “that’s just ignorant” and “plain ol’ [fill in the blank]” Apparently, Roker, a has-been fatty, details his first visit to the White House and his experience of shitting himself and throwing his underwear away in a White House bathroom. His gastric bypass surgery, he explains (but retold to me by my aunt because I didn’t give a shit (ha!) about the story but am highly intrigued by my aunt’s flash of anger due to “plain ol’ ignorance” on Al Roker’s part), gives him bad gas and he attempts to fart but ends up shitting himself. He then goes even further and recounts how he has to clean up, bird bath style, in one of Obama’s bathrooms. WHAT?! Not only is that disgusting Al, but it’s appalling. You actually THINK that ANYONE wants to hear about your literal shit show and then you dish it as entertainment?! You just put a whole stain on your White House visit. Why do people need to know that? Do you really think anyone wants to fuck you after a tell all like that? What self-respecting women or man would let you hit it after such a reveal? Come on Al! You are not only accustomed and comfortable with shit, you are a piece of shit for two reasons. 1. You made my aunt very upset! 2. You look like a turd. For real. Get your shit (in your ass and the shit that is your life) TOGETHER! And really, I wouldn’t have told that.